Hijrah Cinta

He might thought that I'm after his money. But he did forgot that I was there when he had nothing. To be honest, I don't know what I am after. The love we had already been broken. There's basically no more pure love that all these while I thought was ours. There's no more trust. There's no more us.

Cakaplah aku letakkan cinta aku pada manusia. U can say whatever u want, because u can. It's not your heart that was broken. I wonder if I just end it, would u still be fine? Kau cakap kau tak akan ok, but again, tu cuma kata-kata. U will be just fine without me. 

Kaca yang pecah pun takkan kembali ke asal.

Jadi, bila aku broken, jangan salahkan aku.

"Apa yang kau nak aku buat?" 

There's no answer to that question. It's not that I did not do any soul searching after what had happened. Mungkin ini balasan untuk aku. Atau ujian. Mungkin. Tapi aku separuh kuat je nak hadap semua ni. Baton tu dekat tangan aku, Tapi, end of it, kau yang akan buat keputusan.

Tak adil untuk aku, untuk kau, untuk anak bila semua ni jadi. Bila aku rasa nak menjeruk hati. Bila-bila aku nak. Bila-bila aku trigger. Aku takkan trigger pun kalau benda ni tak jadi. Tapi aku pun tak boleh salahkan takdir. Aku tak layak pun nak question takdir yang dah jadi.

"Semua harta aku atas nama kau. Kau nak apa lagi? Apa yang kau takut sangat?'

Honestly.. 

I'm speechless. This is hurting me even more. When we had nothing, I'm the one who bought the A4 and printer to print your resume. Even proofreading it before it got sent out. And this is all I got? When u think u are at the peak? Will it be better if I'm gone for good? I never want anything from u. All these while.. I'm doing everything out of love. Takpelah. I'm too tired to explain.

Kau mungkin rasa aku membenci. Sumpah tak akan ada benci. Cuma hati ni terlalu hancur. Aku berperang dengan perasaan sendiri almost everyday. Mungkin dengan buat kau benci kau akan lebih senang melepaskan. Jujur jela dengan perasaan kau. Kalau cuma aku, mana mungkin ada dia. Kan?

Maybe it would be better if aku just pergi. Tinggalkan semua ni. Tinggalkan segala kesakitan ni. At the same time, mana mungkin aku tinggalkan anak-anak aku. Tak adil untuk anak-anak aku nak hadap semua ni. My babies, I will pass my exam this December, and I have a plan already. For us. Insyaallah. All will be fine.