Delivering My 3rd Baby After a 10-Year Gap

Salam,

I thought of documented my experience here, just for the sake of memories. 

Orang cakap, if u had years of gap after your last pregnancy, u will experience the delivery like it was your first time. I mean, longer cervix opening, difficult labour etc. Of course, with my advanced maternal age, I'm a little scared to imagine what will happen on the day itself.

To cut the story short, I had my antenatal check up on the 25th June 2025. Macam biasa, check BP, urine test etc. dekat Hosp Annur. My husband wfh today so he accompanied me pergi hospital. Deep down, I tak tahu kenapa, I feel like I akan deliver the baby on this day. I pesan kat my other two babies, suruh bawa kunci rumah in case I deliver today. So, masa test urine, i nampak ada spotting like a mucus plug. Thats when I know, hm, I will deliver this baby probably today. 

BP reading tak ok. Bacaan atas 190 which is very high. Normal should be 120/90. Luckily I dont need to wait for so long to see Dr Fatimah sebab I turn in early today. At first, I ingat I just nak minta letter from doc so that I can request to arrange for "work from home" from my Company until my due date which is 21 July 2025. But Allah has better plans and indeed is the best planner. I told Dr Fatimah about the spotting this morning, and she decided to do VE. Guess what? I already dilate 4cm! Doc terus arrange I masuk labour room to prepare for my delivery.

I dengan tak bawa apa2 pun, because I didn't expect I will deliver this baby earlier sebab gestational age dia only 36 weeks. Still 4 more weeks to go kalau based on track record her sister and brother, only 1-2 days difference from my EDD previously. Tapi, hikmahnya sebab BP i tiba2 tinggi, doc says the only cure is to deliver the baby. And since I dah ada opening, I tak perlu induce/ czer. Just wait for the cervix to open natually.

Labour room

From 11am to 2pm, my progress cuma 5cm. Still tak rasa sakit, boleh sembang and gelak2 with my husband. I macam disbelief yang I akan bersalin harini. Sebab sakit masih tak kick in kot. Maybe. Then, I just nk follow petua my sister cara dia cepatkan bukaan cervix masa nak bersalin. Minum teh o pekat mix dengan telur ayam kuning yang tak masak. My husband minta kedai bawah buatkan. Not that bad la the taste, takde rasa hanyir pun. 

Start tu, I dah rasa sakit sikit2 sampai I minta inject epidural sekarang. Doc expect I akan deliver tomorrow morning since the big gap with previous pregnancy. Doc anest sampai and cucuk dekat spine etc. Macam biasa, cucuk tu bagi i tak sakit pun. Nak ambik darah lagi sakit sebab urat I susah sangat nak jumpa. Midwife buat VE, now I'm already at 7cm masa ni dah pukul 6pm. Start ni I dah rasa sakit even with epidural sebab ada part of my perut (kanan) macam tak lut dengan epidural tu. Bila contraction, sumpah perut sakit sebelah (cries). Perut kiri, kaki semua memang dah tak rasa pun sebab epidural tu. Midwife mamang tolong I masa tu. She try to increase the dosage tapi perut kanan memang rasa sakit contraction tu tak boleh buat apa.

Masa ni kepala I sakit sangat. BP tinggi doc suspect pre-eclampsia. So i'm being dripped with magnesium sulphate for 12 hours. Sakit sangat masuk ubat ni rasa urat tangan nak pecah. Midwife cakap memang ubat ni panas. Ubat ni digunakan untuk calm my nervous system and elakkan seizures. Condition I sekarang, tangan kanan and kiri ada drip, lepastu dah epidural kena pasang tiub kencing. So memang tak boleh gerak pergi mana pun.

I practice deep breathing etc yelah sakit kan, otak pun dah melayang. Husband I balik rumah sekejap urus anak sebab he thought the earliest I akan bersalin is tengah malam. Pukul 7pm midwife check VE, I dah dilate 9cm! Then dia call husband I tanya dekat mana etc sebab tak lama dah I akan bersalin. Coincidentally my husband dah sampai labour room and midwife VE lagi sekali I dah fully dilate and they are preparing for my labour dah. Tunggu doc datang, 3 kali push and voila keluar seketul baby. Hilang terus sakit perut kanan aku. Sumpah lega sangat! This time tak ada epi, only first degree tear, all smooth sailing. Anak I keluar 3.13kg even baru 36 weeks. Hikmah yang Allah nak bagi. Alhamdulillah.

Tapi dalam senang beranak tu, I need to be monitored dekat labour room for 1 day, sebab BP tinggi. Baby semua nurse dah uruskan. I spent the night dekat labour room. Tak terkira lah berapa kali nurse masuk keluar check BP i. Masa ni BP pun around 150-160 tak turun pun even dah keluar baby. Imagine dengan tiub kencing dekat bawah, drip kiri kanan, blood lagi. Nurse memang tukarkan tapi I nak mandi (cries) Sumpah geli and stress. Tapi yelah, I faham je its very risky and semua tu prevention sebelum jadi benda lagi serius, i.e jatuh bilik air ke, sawan etc nauzubillah.

Esoknya lepas habis drip magnesium sulphate tu, I dah boleh masuk ward, and refesh myself. Lega sangat finally rasa bersih. Tapi baby still kena tahan dekat SCN sebab oksigen ade drop sikit, then she will be under monitoring in case anything. Better not to miss the boat. I dah rasa sihat, BP still tinggi even on meds, tapi range dah turun sikit 140-155. Every now and then nurse akan masuk bilik ambil BP etc. Baby I memang dekat SCN (Special Care Neonates) so tak room in dengan I. If I nak tengok baby, nurse akan bawa I turun. Boring sikit la sebab I rasa sihat je, takde baby pulak, kerja I makan, baring, tengok tv, pam la susu sesekali, itupun lepas hari ke 3. Guna manual pump je sebab yang electric i tak study lagi macam mana nak pakai n i malas nak study sekarang.

Haenim Korea Pump. Recommended.

I kena warded from 25th sampai 29th. Sampai semua ok baru discharge. Dalam ward makan sedap kenapa entah ye. Maybe sepanjang pregnancy tekak tak sedap. Dekat hospital ni, makanan apa pun i rasa sedap gila habis licin makan. Huhu..

Masa pergi Makkah during 5-months pregnancy tu I memang doa semoga semua dipermudahkan, senang beranak, tak koyak, tak jahit, bukaan cepat, anak sempurna mental fizikal, comel etc. Mungkin ni salah satu doa2 yang Allah makbulkan.

Tengah tawaf nampak baby comel ni ee

Baby I pun da pegi Makkah tapi dalam perut la haha.. Dalam hati masa ni bagi kenan sikit comel budak ni kat anak aku, why not kan walaupun mak bapak dah sah2 melayu takkan la keluar jadi anak arobb..

Balik rumah, sambung la rutin berpantang dengan CL. Sebab anak2 dah sekolah, susah la sikit nak balik berpantang dengan mak aku dekat kampung mcm dulu. Mak aku pun da sibuk dengan persatuan dia la, lawatan etc. Jadi ber CL lah kite. Seronokla hari2 berurut segar badan. Lepas 10 hari ni aku dah loss 12kg. Termasuk berat baby la kann. Happy dah boleh meniarap. Nikmat betul.

Bagi aku bersalin dekat Annur ni quite pricey tapi worth it la. Normal + epidural lepastu ubat2 drip semua tu kos aku RM9.5k. Untuk baby pulak masuk antibiotik etc + neonates care dalam RM7k. 

Sedappp

Thats all bye!

35 weeks now

I don't know how to start. Lets start with how I feel today and my routine. Started off my day at 6.30am, getting ready for work, even though I had sleepless nights lately. I travelled 1 hour one way to work, which I still can endure in the morning, tapi on the way back home from work in the evening, I can't even tolerate the pain sometimes.

Last 2-3 days tidur salah bantal and sakit sangat bahu and leher. Sometimes bawak ke kepala. I can't turn my head as per normal sebab sakit gila. Kaki bengkak like nobody's business. If malam2 i akan tinggikan kaki, then morning dah tak glaring bengkak tu. However, thorughout the days, makin bengkak dan bengkak then ulang balik the same routine. Sometimes it looks like my kaki nak meletop. Had my checkup every 2 weeks now. Last week I had to repeat MGTT test sebab ukuran perut baby besar 1 week dari due date, meanwhile the head and size cuma 1-2 days je difference from my edd. Turn out everything is normal, cuma this time I really feel so hopeless maybe due to my advance age compared to my last two pregnancies. 

I had to go to toilet many many times at night. Every single hour to pee to poo etc. Keep having braxton hicks especially at night. Im not sure how long do I have to face all these. Is this the sign of labour? I really not sure at all. 

-_-

Pregnant Again on our 13th Years of Marriage

Happy new year 2025! How time flies. I don't even remember what I did in 2024. 

17th Nov 2024. The day I found out that I'm pregnant with our third baby. I am at 37 years old, both kids are now independent, doing their own stuff and suddenly.... 2025 will be the year that I will have to roam back to milk and diapers aisle. 

11th weeks now, and I feel like shit. I don't have the energy to do anything. I just try to live everyday. I don't have any appetite for foods, but I know I have to eat for my growing baby. At the same time I still have to go to work. Luckily my morning sickness only happen after maghrib. I would throw up like nobody's business.

Bloated 24/7 is normal now. Salute to mommies who gets pregnant every year to go through all these. I can eat fruits, but I hate it now. I hate filtered water be it at home/ office. I just hate to drink because it taste weird. I hate chicken but I don't have options. I hate seafood and meat, basically I hate everything but I force myself to eat something at least.

I felt sleepy and hungry all the time. I will eat mixed nuts all just because I have to stop my growling stomach. As for my husband, normally we would go for date nights, after the kids were asleep. Now, no more since I don't even have the mood to do anything. Really felt bad for him. Please tell me this will be over soon.

I realized lately anything that I thought, somehow will be materialized. I'm not sure how and why though. I want my mom fried beehoon so badly. My mom lived 4-5 hours away from me hence I know I won't be getting it sooner. I never tell anyone about this craving, and obviously my mom don't have any idea about it. My mom came to my house and guess what? She brought her fried beehoon! I cried thinking that Allah has been so generous to me.

I don't know what happen with this beehoon cravings. One day, my husband brought us to a Thai restaurant. I didn't tell him what I want to eat because I don't have the mood for anything. Deep down I felt like eating fried beehoon that night. Quite disappointed that they do not have it in their menus. Its ok, I ordered Phad That instead. Guess what? The waiter came to me to tell me that the Phad Thai is out of stock, so I had to order something else. I casually tell him that I want to have fried beehoon. Yes! Of course I got my fried beehoon. I'm shooked!

Last 2 weeks I thought, would be good if we can travel to Bali. I didn't plan or say anything to my husband about this, coz it is just a thought. I didn't feel like myself pun to travel due to my pregnancy. One evening after work, my husband ask me to choose any place to go and ask me to plan a short trip at least to go getaway for a few days. He handed me his card and voila! Off we go to Bali the very next day. When this happened, somehow I felt scary. Why Allah has granted my wishes so easily. I would still cry in the car every morning, even when I listened to Zikr. Maybe its the pregnancy hormone right? Even the simplest thing, for instance if I saw a rainbow in the sky while driving, I felt like its a gift from Allah to me and he sees me even though Im just a human, and that made me cry.

Today it happened again, Remember I told that I hate to drink the filtered water? We have someone came over to service our water filter this morning and she accidentally broke the pipe hence we can't use the dispenser until the maintenance guy came later in the evening. My husband was worried that we don't have water to drink in between. He bougth loads and loads of Spritzer water and yeah. Actually, that is the only kind of water that I would drink right now during this first trimester. I think, the stock he bought might last until months. Actually, every morning before work, I would drop by the gas station to buy Spritzer as my drinking water throughout the day and now of course I don't need to already. I am really grateful somehow, even when I didn't say to anyone what I need/ wants, Allah always knew it and he will make it happen. There's always a way.

I don't intend to blurt out everything, some of it I will keep to myself. I jot this so that I will always remember. I can't wait for this baby to arrive. This is a big Rezq that Allah has granted us. Actually it is the doa of  the brother and sister that was being granted by Allah. Alhamdulillah. I don't know how will I manage this, but I know, I can and I will do it somehow. It has been 10 years since I last giving birth, of course I forget things. My husband treat me like I am the first time mom haha.. But pity them coz I dont have the  mood for anything right now, i.e to lepak, to do chores, to cook etc. This too, shall pass insyaallah.

10.43pm, bedroom SR.

Already miss u

U'll be going for outstation, tomorrow.

Argh. Already miss u.

Marriage is a rollercoaster indeed.

We fight, we make up.

End of the day, we are still together. Apalah perkahwinan without pergaduhan kan. Difference is, I jot here. Not for anyone to read, tapi ini lah warna2 kehidupan i, which maybe lepas 10 tahun i baca balik, I will remember exactly how I am today.

Actually, i do love u. I really do.

xoxo

Once u lose me

Hey peeps.

Its Saturday, 8.30 pm.

Keadaan sekarang lapar. Tapi taknak makan. Harini takde buat apa, this morning I went to see my dad, then we had lunch dekat Bistro favourite I. Only the 2 of us. We talked, and somehow memang release my stress. Just like the good old days. My dad, very understanding. Bukan sejenis panas baran atau kaki maki. My dad always senang berbincang. Any problem, dia akan find the solution. Unlike someone I know, his approach will always maki first, don't talk. Lol. Im used to it, sampai I don't want to share anything anymore. My heart is numb from all the makian.

Aku pernah.

Sayang, adore, this person. Pernah.

But now it feels like too tired dah nak hadap. Sebab aku tak dibesarkan dengan makian dan carutan. A little bit of my dad's background, he was once a first class electrical engineering graduate dekat USA. Memang polite and pandai dari kecik. Even I can't even beat him in terms of academic, dari segi career, walaupun anak sepatutnya lebih hebat dari parents, sebab anak tu semua dicukupkan. But it's ok. I never regret anything.

Back to my story. Aku bukan merungut. Sometimes aku tak sure whether feelings aku ni valid ke tak. He thought he was never wrong. Tapi kenapa dengan hati aku? Sumpah demi Allah aku takde orang lain selain dia. Tapi hati aku kosong, as of now. Aku sedih tapi dia ignore everything that I have felt. Like it is not valid. I shouldn't have felt like this sebab bagi dia, dia dah provide everything. Materially, yes. Even sekarang when I look around, yes. He provide everything. Katil yang aku duduk, laptop yang aku guna, airpod yang aku dengar. 

Aku tak suka kena maki. Aku nak approach discussion. Bukan maki2 satu dunia dengar kau tak peduli pun apa aku rasa. Yang penting kau puas maki. Dah terlalu lama aku bertahan. Sekarang aku letih sampai takde air mata bila kena maki. Kau nak maki? Up to u. Im not listening anymore. In fact, slowly aku dah tak nak dengar apa2 dari kau.

Aku akan compare semua dengan masa silam kau sebab aku tau semua! Memang aku maafkan. Tapi untuk lupakan, jauh sangat. Setiap kali ingat aku jadi benci. Aku takkan makan Zanmai, takkan tengok wayang, takkan ambil gambar kau and share dekat kau sebab kau pernah create memory dengan orang lain. Memori aku.

Ini keadaan aku walaupun selepas 3 tahun.

Aku mungkin gila perhatian. Tapi kau akan bagi perhatian kalau kau nak. Bukan sebab aku suruh.Aku sedih sebab part of aku masih sayang and ingat kau yang dulu. Sebelum dia.

Slow2 kau dah hilang aku. Kita dah hancur 3 tahun lepas,without kita realise. 

Aku sekarang kat tempat yang paling last dalam prioriti kau. Tapi aku tak kisah dah. Even kita satu family jalan malam dekat Genting finally dapat spent time, suddenly kawan kau ajak lepak, immediately kau agree and ask us to take grab going back to the hotel. Yes aku sangat terasa! Terasa tak penting. "Aku hantar family aku naik grab jap". Kawan kau pun tau je and say "family first bro, takyah lah join lepak." But u insist. Instead u said, "takpe, anak bini aku dah puas main kat sini siang tadi". I heard everything. And deep down start comparing. If kau keluar dengan sial tu, kau takkan suruh dia balik naik grab kan? Even grab pun aku yang booking sendiri. Bodoh kan.

Aku diam. Aku tak highlight pun. Its ok.

Tapi harini memang dah tahap boiling point. Every weekdays kau lepak, if tak lepak kau tidur awal. Fine. Aku sabar lagi. Weekend parents kau datang tidur kat rumah. Even parents datang pun kau pergi lepak? Wow Im amazed. Somehow aku question balik, panas ke rumah ni. Kalau tak nak tengok muka aku cakap. Kau taknak, aku sejuta kali taknak. Kau tahu bukan aku yang nak teruskan relationship ni. Kau pretend like u care, but u are not, man. Aku boleh entertain parent kau without kau kisah pun. Yang penting is geng lepak kau yang dah hancurkan holiday aku tu. 

Harini kau lebih bro. Kau teman bapak kau pergi servis kereta and kau expect weekend aku dengan anak2 duduk rumah and cannot go anywhere sebab mak kau ada kat rumah? Jap aku rephrase. Kau and bapak kau tinggal mak kau kat rumah aku sebab nak pergi healing? Kamonla. Bro kau lepak hari2 kot. Semalam aku entertain, harini pun nak entertain ke macam mana? Habis aku? Bukan tak ikhlas tau. Tapi kalau lebih sangat, benda memang jadi tak ikhlas.

Adil kan untuk aku.

Aku pun ade parents. Aku pun nak jumpa parents aku. Bukan everyweek hadap benda sama. Kau boleh healing, tapi bila aku? Bodoh ke suruh aku balik rumah beli salad? ambik kau dekat bengkel? Sedangkan aku tengah jumpa abah aku. Kalau aku, kau suruh grab kan? kenapa kau tak boleh grab? Aku memang taknak ambik. Grab lah sana. Even suruh ambik dekat mrt pun kau suruh aku tunggu train, cakap nak pergi pun dah 40 minit. Just wow. At the first place, I dont even ask u to send me in the morning. Aku boleh je drive sendiri. Then petang kau suruh aku tunggu train? Sebab geng lepak? Well, now I know. Please eat your own medicine. Rasalah pahit ke tak.

Aku rasa valid untuk aku marah. Kau neglect aku. Lepas lepak balik 2-3 pagi kau expect aku nak entertain kau? sorry bro. not this time. Aku bukan semudah tu. Tak payah acah2 peluk aku sampai pagi.

Peluklah geng lepak kau. 

Aku rimas.

Faded

Hello dearies,

I don't even know why I am here tonight. Cuma perlukan ruang untuk meluah. Kadang2 nak bercerita dengan manusia, orang akan interpret dengan cara berbeza. Honestly, I just want to disappear from all these nonsense. 

Aku dah malas nak buat effort. Even bila rasa sakit, takde air mata pun untuk aku menangis. Sebab aku dah malas nak menangis. Rasa terlalu letih.

Anyway, we just got back from our short trip. All sponsored by company, macam biasa sebab trip ni is for team building and family day. Aku dah lama tinggalkan healthy breakfast etc, my bad. Lepas PKP, tak de dah effort nak cycling ke ape macam aku selalu buat dulu. Semua dah back tu macam masa zaman sebelum PKP. Somehow, PKP ni menyelamatkan rumah tangga aku masa tu. Kalau tak, Allah knows what will happen.

Alhamdulillah, even ekonomi meleset, kami berdua masih ada rezeki kerja, naik pangkat, naik gaji etc. Mungkin ada doa2 parents kami yang diangkat, sebab diri aku sendiri bukanlah baik mana untuk dapat all these blessings, aku rasa la.. hm..

Fast forward to now, aku rasa bangga dengan diri aku few years back, (read: masa muda), macam mana aku heal my own self after semua betrayal yang aku hadap dalam marriage aku. Reflecting back, aku rasa emotionally aku yang buat effort, meanwhile materially, dia yang banyak buat effort. Normal ke aku rasa, aku lagi prefer emotional efforts rather that semua material thingy yang dia provide dekat aku. Even dia tabur aku dengan macam2 benda, ada kalanya bila sedih / trigger, aku masih rasa aku nak pergi dari semua ni. Adakah aku manusia yang tak bersyukur?

Bukan aku tak maafkan, tapi aku tak pernah lupakan apa yang jadi. Yes, efforts kau mungkin aku butakan dengan apa yang jadi. Bila aku type sini, aku memang realise semua efforts kau tapi entahla kenapa dengan hati aku? Taburkan emas, handbag, random tudung duck yang kau beli tiba2, tapi kenapa hati aku rasa kosong? Tolonglah. Aku tawar hati ke? 

Cantik tapi bagi aku yelah, cantik jela. Even kau belikan untuk aku tapi aku tak de rasa sense of belonging pun. Bila baca balik apa yang aku type ni sumpah rasa macam tak bersyukur. Dia macam ni la, ada benda yang kau boleh tolerate, tapi bila berlaku berkali2, taburlah segunung emas pun dah takde erti.

Benda yang aku paling suka, cupcake, cake, benda manis2. Memang susah lah nak turun berat macam ni tapi ini lah sedikit bahagia yang paling ikhlas dalam hidup aku. 

But its okey, starting September aku cuba jot my journey to a healthy lifestyle dekat sini macam dulu hahah.. hopefully!

Aku beli Yoga mat rm18 kot dekat Kaison. Ni terpaling murah yang aku jumpa. At least if jadi tukun ke ape aku takde lah regret sangat. Mengantuk dah. Esok kerja. I'll end this now. Till then. Bye.

Snippet of the past few weeks

Hey there.. assalamualaikum.

As usual, when I write on this space, my husband already flew off for work. Exam in few days, tapi past few weeks I keep on berjimba je. How la.

Just to recap what happen during the past two weeks that my husband was around. We went for unplanned road trip to Pahang with the kids. Initially I nak pergi bawa diorang ke Kuala Gandah je. Manage to meet few elephants tapi smol2 one je. Suppose ada aktiviti mandikan gajah etc but sebab air sungai naik so cancel jela. Sebab suam2 kuku je experience tu, we decided to naik sikit head to Kuantan terus. Actually after Kuala Gandah, we stayed in a hotel at Temerloh. Had ikan patin etc then ingat nak cari makan dekat Kuantan. Sampai je Teluk Cempedak terus rasa amazednya ada Starbucks, Mcd, KFC, everything dekat sana and tempat tu so cantik. We end up terus booking a night stayed in Kuantan. 

My world. Captured with Ip13

Kuala Gandah Elephant Sanctuary

We were lucky to meet this 5 month baby elephant

Teluk Cempedak view yang buat we decide to stay for the night

Hello pinky beach

We had lunch at Restoran Mabiq. Ramai orang but quite efficient lah eventhough kena beratur juga nak masuk pun. We arrive on 12.30pm maybe orang baru nak ramai. Food taste good. I had pais ikan, eventhough i don't know what it is, turn out dia ikan patin tempoyak juga. I had it already dekat Temerloh and I had enough kot. Hari2 makan tempoyak pitamm..

We were lucky to secure a room eventhough it weekends. Masa lunch i scroll booking.com and luckily found this resort. Memang cantik. We ride ATV [RM50 for 30mins], ada pool, private beach, complementary breakfast semua, I had no complaint. Definitely I will come back again. There's little pub and restaurant dekat resort ni. We jalan pantai at night, then ada fireworks show, dekat beach. Memang lucky lah sebab kitorang tak tau pun ada benda ni. Dengan lagu2 best feeling sangat la kan. Maybe the ambience buat rasa best kot.

I cuti the whole week sebab annual leave I banyak lagi nak clear. Hehe.. Then balik KL jelah after Kuantan. Esoknya pergi swab test dekat Prince Court coz my husband nak work dah. Sebab alang2 keluar, we shoot to Genting Highlands pulak. Memang trip Pahang sangat la kalini. Tak naik atas. Just jalan dekat GHPO je. Husband alhamdulillah negative, clear nk pergi work.

We had desert dekat Godiva, husband I memang tau perangai I suka desert. Kalau I hilang tu either hilang dalam kedai kek atau kedai kopi. 😅 Both kids inherit trait I yang suka desert tu. Habislah. Manage to grab few handbags kat atas tu. I rasa murah kali ni maybe sebab Black Friday?? atau I memang lucky haha.. Perempuan atas ni dapat coklat dia dah happy dah. 

Owh before that! I ada trip with my family dekat Ipoh masa husband I off to work. Yelah nak tak nak we need to live je dalam covid ni kan. What we can do is try as much as we can to follow SOP. Jangan bersalam, jaga jarak, sanitise always, pakai mask. If dah kena what to do. But alhamdulillah, until now none of our family member get infected by covid. Future, we never know. Semua family members both sides dah vaccinated unless kids below 11 years old macam anak i memang tak lah. Hope Allah protects them always.

Both my parents, my nenek join this trip. Regardless la kena pakai wheelchair ke ape we all tolak je. My sisters, 4 out of 5 ada. In fact semua sibling I pun girls je takde boys haha.. If orang cakap I lemah lembut tu sebab belum pernah tengok I mengamuk jela kot. Ada satu story kelakar pasal nenek I but I keep it to myself jela hahaha.. I just nak create memories while they are still around. I pun tak tahu sampai bila I akan ada dekat sini. We never know. 

Looking back at our picktures, deep down I'm a proud sister and I nak congratulate my parents for raising us so well. My little sister doing specialist in opthalmologist, a med officer soon to be specialist dah. Another one is an engineer building maybe the tallest building in Malaysia, PNB118 and the youngest is doing her ACCA. Perempuan sesat semua orang dah besar suddenly dia lahir. 😂 We talked and chatted like we were still a kid. Especially when the husband is not around. My sister's husband now overseas to oversee construction project dengan Japan company. So of coz la dia pun single macam I haha.. My father cakap, tengoklah diorang ni even dah besar tapi cakap macam masa diorang budak2 dulu. Yeah.. miss that moment sebenarnya. Buat lawak bodoh, but now we are paying for the trip. Just bagitahu where u want to go, what u want to eat, we'll settle everything. Macam mana my parents settle everything for us masa kitorang kecik2 dulu. 

Hey Ipoh

Drooling

My all time fav Ah Cheng laksa

The best roti jala by Chef Nizam

Mee rebus Kuala Kangsar from cooked by my fren, Seri

Some random pictures of what I ate past few weeks haha. Anak I pun dah tahu perangai mak dia jangan makan lagi. Lemme feed the phone first! Lol! Sometimes when I tak amek gambar they'll ask me why I didn't take picture? Boleh makan dah ke ni? Hahahhahah... Sorry kids!!

This time around takde adegan baling barang, gaduh2 maki2.. Am I healed? Hahah.. We never know. But I tahu even how bad the situation is, I am loving him forever. He's back now, tapi hati manusia ni berbolak balik, Allah yang pegang. I'll be devastated but I know I will move on easily if it will ever happen again. For now, I just want to enjoy the moment, had him cuddle me when he's around, buying things that I want, bring me to road trip, kiss me randomly at night when I sleep. Cry when I cried. Trying so hard to jaga my hati. Always tarik kepala I to sleep at his ketiak omg! Hug me tight, make sure I'm covered dengan selimut. 

I don't know but I feel if I mengungkit lagi, macam I break his heart. I fikir banyak kali sebelum reply whatsapp or cakap. Sometimes I dah type, then I delete and type benda yang takkan trigger marah dia. Bila I dah type tu I lega coz I dah buat even tak send kat dia faham tak. Bila nak cakap pun I akan mengungkit dalam hati but then istighfar jap and cakap benda baik2 je la untuk dia dengar dengan telinga tu. At least ada improvement. Dulu I memang hembus je apa dalam hati I and the consequences memang real bad lah kan. Now let say if I teringat, I akan nangis je. I won't say anything. Esok dia fly, malam ni I akan masak untuk lunch dia. And I akan buat cookies favourite dia choc chip sea salt cookies. Actually favourite I, but tu macam signature cookies I la untuk dia haha.. Then final nights tu normally we will cuddle and check each other nangis ke tak. Lol. Lama dah tak rasa berat hati nak lepaskan. I don't know, hikmah after what happen ni, relationship kitorang makin berkualiti. Makin matang mungkin. Alhamdulillah.. Tapi hope dia tak lupa, even I sayang pun I can walk away anytime and forget everything if benda jadi lagi. Parents I tak ajar pula kalau kena pijak just stay.

Tapi like I said previously, I just want to enjoy the moment. I love my husband, love my family, my kids, my friends. I love them all. Insyaallah amin.