35 weeks now

I don't know how to start. Lets start with how I feel today and my routine. Started off my day at 6.30am, getting ready for work, even though I had sleepless nights lately. I travelled 1 hour one way to work, which I still can endure in the morning, tapi on the way back home from work in the evening, I can't even tolerate the pain sometimes.

Last 2-3 days tidur salah bantal and sakit sangat bahu and leher. Sometimes bawak ke kepala. I can't turn my head as per normal sebab sakit gila. Kaki bengkak like nobody's business. If malam2 i akan tinggikan kaki, then morning dah tak glaring bengkak tu. However, thorughout the days, makin bengkak dan bengkak then ulang balik the same routine. Sometimes it looks like my kaki nak meletop. Had my checkup every 2 weeks now. Last week I had to repeat MGTT test sebab ukuran perut baby besar 1 week dari due date, meanwhile the head and size cuma 1-2 days je difference from my edd. Turn out everything is normal, cuma this time I really feel so hopeless maybe due to my advance age compared to my last two pregnancies. 

I had to go to toilet many many times at night. Every single hour to pee to poo etc. Keep having braxton hicks especially at night. Im not sure how long do I have to face all these. Is this the sign of labour? I really not sure at all. 

-_-

Pregnant Again on our 13th Years of Marriage

Happy new year 2025! How time flies. I don't even remember what I did in 2024. 

17th Nov 2024. The day I found out that I'm pregnant with our third baby. I am at 37 years old, both kids are now independent, doing their own stuff and suddenly.... 2025 will be the year that I will have to roam back to milk and diapers aisle. 

11th weeks now, and I feel like shit. I don't have the energy to do anything. I just try to live everyday. I don't have any appetite for foods, but I know I have to eat for my growing baby. At the same time I still have to go to work. Luckily my morning sickness only happen after maghrib. I would throw up like nobody's business.

Bloated 24/7 is normal now. Salute to mommies who gets pregnant every year to go through all these. I can eat fruits, but I hate it now. I hate filtered water be it at home/ office. I just hate to drink because it taste weird. I hate chicken but I don't have options. I hate seafood and meat, basically I hate everything but I force myself to eat something at least.

I felt sleepy and hungry all the time. I will eat mixed nuts all just because I have to stop my growling stomach. As for my husband, normally we would go for date nights, after the kids were asleep. Now, no more since I don't even have the mood to do anything. Really felt bad for him. Please tell me this will be over soon.

I realized lately anything that I thought, somehow will be materialized. I'm not sure how and why though. I want my mom fried beehoon so badly. My mom lived 4-5 hours away from me hence I know I won't be getting it sooner. I never tell anyone about this craving, and obviously my mom don't have any idea about it. My mom came to my house and guess what? She brought her fried beehoon! I cried thinking that Allah has been so generous to me.

I don't know what happen with this beehoon cravings. One day, my husband brought us to a Thai restaurant. I didn't tell him what I want to eat because I don't have the mood for anything. Deep down I felt like eating fried beehoon that night. Quite disappointed that they do not have it in their menus. Its ok, I ordered Phad That instead. Guess what? The waiter came to me to tell me that the Phad Thai is out of stock, so I had to order something else. I casually tell him that I want to have fried beehoon. Yes! Of course I got my fried beehoon. I'm shooked!

Last 2 weeks I thought, would be good if we can travel to Bali. I didn't plan or say anything to my husband about this, coz it is just a thought. I didn't feel like myself pun to travel due to my pregnancy. One evening after work, my husband ask me to choose any place to go and ask me to plan a short trip at least to go getaway for a few days. He handed me his card and voila! Off we go to Bali the very next day. When this happened, somehow I felt scary. Why Allah has granted my wishes so easily. I would still cry in the car every morning, even when I listened to Zikr. Maybe its the pregnancy hormone right? Even the simplest thing, for instance if I saw a rainbow in the sky while driving, I felt like its a gift from Allah to me and he sees me even though Im just a human, and that made me cry.

Today it happened again, Remember I told that I hate to drink the filtered water? We have someone came over to service our water filter this morning and she accidentally broke the pipe hence we can't use the dispenser until the maintenance guy came later in the evening. My husband was worried that we don't have water to drink in between. He bougth loads and loads of Spritzer water and yeah. Actually, that is the only kind of water that I would drink right now during this first trimester. I think, the stock he bought might last until months. Actually, every morning before work, I would drop by the gas station to buy Spritzer as my drinking water throughout the day and now of course I don't need to already. I am really grateful somehow, even when I didn't say to anyone what I need/ wants, Allah always knew it and he will make it happen. There's always a way.

I don't intend to blurt out everything, some of it I will keep to myself. I jot this so that I will always remember. I can't wait for this baby to arrive. This is a big Rezq that Allah has granted us. Actually it is the doa of  the brother and sister that was being granted by Allah. Alhamdulillah. I don't know how will I manage this, but I know, I can and I will do it somehow. It has been 10 years since I last giving birth, of course I forget things. My husband treat me like I am the first time mom haha.. But pity them coz I dont have the  mood for anything right now, i.e to lepak, to do chores, to cook etc. This too, shall pass insyaallah.

10.43pm, bedroom SR.

Cry for me

Pagi ni.. bangun awal sikit.. around 4.30am sebab semalam tidur awal sangat. Ready lunch box for the kids, sempat masak laksa kurus untuk diri sendiri. Haha..

My lunchbox today...

I bukan peminat laksa actually.. tapi i commit nak follow meal plan, so there u go. Tak habis pun makan.. asalkan kenyang je.

Harini nak membebel tentang hukum ganggu rumah tangga orang. Perempuan ni ada banyak jenis.. Ada je yang sebolehnya elak keluar dengan suami orang, ada yang nampak luaran je macam baik tapi takde segan silu keluar dengan suami orang.. ada jugak yang nampak macam jenis main redah, i.e nampak luaran macam jahat, tapi takkan sampai hati ganggu rumah tangga orang.

Basically.. kita tak boleh menilai manusia dari luaran sebenarnya. Yang nampak baik tu, tak semestinya hati baik, yang nampak jahat tu, tak semestinya hati busuk. Perempuan yang ada maruah dan harga diri, mostly takkan proceed pun berkawan dengan suami orang. Tak ada istilah kawan ye antara lelaki dan perempuan yang dah berkahwin. Whatever u put into the universe, will come back to u. Ketahuilah, one day, kau buat rumahtangga orang macam ni.. Kau akan rasa jugak apa yang kau buat ni. Kalau bukan kau, anak cucu keturunan kau akan rasa semua benda yang kau buat dekat rumah tangga orang lain. Honestly, bila kau rasa ok je makan2 tengok wayang dengan suami orang lain without the wife knowing, kau memang perempuan yang tak tau batas. Murahan. Hidup ni mudah je... kalau tak mampu nak menyenangkan orang, jangan menyusahkan orang.

Ketahuilah hukum mengganggu rumah tangga orang adalah HARAM.

Kesan dia banyak ya.. bukan sekadar tu je. Yang tahu, tahulah. Hati isteri ni, kalau dah mati rasa, susah. Bila dia tahu dekat hati suami tu ada si sundal sial ni. Mostly akan undur diri. Unless suami ni cepat tersedar yang dia dah buat kesilapan bila dah tesedar dari mimpi sementara tu. Cubalah sekuat daya pun nak dapat semula hati isteri yang dah luka tu.. kesannya tetap ada. Maafkan mungkin, melupakan mungkin tak. Eventhough the husband already cut off all the ties and communication.

Trust issue tu ada. If the event happen bila pasangan suami isteri ni tak ada masalah pun, mungkin suami hanya rasa nak isi kekosongan yang ada. The aftermath tu.. bukan hanya atas isteri sahaja, tetapi kesan dekat suami pun ada. Lagi-lagi bila isteri dah diam dan tak meratap menangis, mengamuk semua, suami sikit sebanyak rasa je yang wife dia tak takde trust pun dekat dia. And dia akan question whether wife dia masih sayangkan dia seikhlas hati lagi ke tak macam dulu. Wife pulak selalunya akan rasa worthless.. question balik aku tak pandai jaga suami that's why jadi macam ni. Tapi perempuan kuat, dia selalunya akan diam je dan do things that make her happy. Invest in herself more after the event happen in their marriage.

Semua dah dewasa, dah faham. I personally, alhamdulillah tak pernah proceed nak kenal dengan suami orang lain masa belum kahwin dulu. Suami orang ni, memang tak dinafikan agak directlah in terms of approach dia tu. Tak tau lah memang ada je so called 'anak dara' yang boleh terima approach direct macam tu. Tapi ramaiiii je lagi perempuan baik kat luar sana bolayan je ajakan lelaki yang dah ada family ni ; i.e yang dah berkahwin. I syak so called anak dara tu memang sejenis desperate dats y rembat jelah apa yang ada 😏😏

Takpe, I mampu kesian je hahahha..

Wife ni sometimes bukan sengaja nak bersikap kurang ajar ke ape..tapi ketahuilah isteri yang disayangi oleh suami akan menjadi isteri yang mentaati. Perempuan ni cara dia defend diri dia macam tu lah sampai kadang kala tersalah tafsir dikatakan kurang ajar. I dah malas nak membebel pasal ni. Sebabnya.. benda ni.. semua orang tau je. Cuma dia jadi jugak kat orang lain2.. Nak cakap fitrah pun tak.. mostly sebab gagal kawal hawa nafsu. Gagal hadap ujian bila ada pihak ketiga cuba menyondol.

My day harini not bad lah.. alhamdulillah atas rezeki hari ni..

I manage to settle all outstanding task today.. CFO I on leave so cam hip hip hooray lah kat ofis dia takde haha..

Jambu air colleage I bagi.. buat snacking pagi

Bouquet duit n loket gift from my FSD

Girls out there.. value your worth. Invest in yourself.. Hidup jangan menyusahkan orang.. Cuba gembirakan orang sekeliling. Jangan ambil hak orang. Keep moving forward!! 💝 Hidup ini terlalu singkat untuk terus meratap. Doakan I shed more and more weight this week ya.. Doakan yang baik2 untuk diri sendiri.. stay positive! Yang penting... jom ber'oil'ing dulu 😉

Hello March

Bulan ni I dah start busy. 

Online classes, the kids started physical class.. we could probably start to work from office 5 days a week as usual.. and so on.

So yeah, hello march!

Started today, I nak eat clean, eat superfoods, exercise more, invest on myself more. So I nak jot down what I did/ eat today and everyday after this, insyaallah.

Harini I demotivated. Dunno why... Sebab I abc lagi, bangun lambatla kol 7.30am. So spoil da mood I nak g cycling. Plus I rasa ada benda tak setel sebab banyakkk sangat kerja ofis yang perlukan my respond. So, sebab banyak benda berlegar dalam otak I, end up I ruin harini macam tu je being worried sick over things yang I sebenarnya boleh control.

Didn't take breakfast... Lunch I Foodpanda je ayam penyet but I didn't eat semua nasi tu.. Just less than half, then I habiskan ayam. Petang almost 7pm I makan japanese sweet potato 2 ketul. Tak minum air banyak harini coz I'm so not in the mood to do anything.

Malam my kids request pizza. So I beli pizza personal 2 set plus carbonara. I insist them to finish everything.. I ada rasa2 carbonara sikit. I hope tomorrow I'll do better in terms of taking care of myself.

Since uni days, I suka pergi pulau dengan my coursemates tau. I tak tau kenapa I rasa tenang je bila dekat pulau. Kitorang pernah je g Tioman, Redang.. amek pakej student RM300/pax masa tu all in makan bbq semua. Then ada pergi Marine park which banyak ikan2 besar cantik2.. Ah rindulah.

Then dah kahwin I drag my family along to share my interest of going island holiday. So far, the liked it. One day I harap I dapat ikut padi course buat lesen diving insyaallah.

Diamond of the first water 😍

Nite all. Xoxo.