Bukan malaikat

I'm blogging while listening to Boyzone - No Matter What 😀 Almost 7am.. ade time sikit, so I think I just do some update here. 

I realise setiap manusia tu.. ada progress dia sendiri. Don't judge other that's what matters. Progress dalam hidup, progress emotionally.. progress in diet 😑.. haha.. afterall, we are just human. We are far from perfection.

As long as we try to improve ourselves everyday, we are gonna be okay.

Hidup di dunia ni.. cuma persinggahan. Sekejap je. Mungkin sehari, setahun, sepuluh tahun, seratus tahun.. lepas tu dah takde lagi. Semua yang ada dalam sistem ciptaan manusia ni, kita tak bawa masuk kubur pun. Selagi hidup, jadi je manusia yang beri manfaat kepada manusia lain. Alhamdulillah atas segala ujian dalam hidup I, menjadikan I manusia lebih baik hari ini, berbanding semalam. I sedar, my husband and I, we both bukan malaikat. Masing2 ada kekurangan.

I plan this week I nak puasa. Start from today. Sahur tadi I had my shake.. blend with all superfoods (kurma, chia seeds, madu kelulut). One thing yelah.. of course I nak shed weights. I've been cheating banyak sangat last week. Memang rasa bersalah but then.. like I said, I bukan malaikat and I'm not perfect haha..

Tapau lunch.. the healthiest yang I can choose hm..

Lunch semalam. This one diet approved

How sinful 😑

So this week, let's pretend I had braces and couldn't eat. Haha.. I nak sahur and buka with shake only the entire week. Wish me luck! My final leap of the month. I grew older dah, so I really need to take good care of my health la kan. Even though I don't know what the future holds. 

What I plan this week :

1. Fasting the whole week, sahur and buka with shake ONLY
2. Sembahyang zohor dekat surau awal. Not combine with asar haha.. Awal waktu please
3. Workout before buka puasa
4. Plank after subuh prayers
5. Try to study before sleep
6. If Allah woke me up at 4.30am, I should get up and be grateful to him by doing what I should

Insyaallah...

Yesterday my sister came over, then off we go to Titiwangsa. I tak naik basikal, I jogging ya.. But feels really good afterwards.

Balik taman, I pergi aeon stock up barang.. 9.30pm I still cooking for the kids. Untuk bekal diorang today. Mak2 macam ni lah. I takut I tak sempat. I tak sempat la nak bergayut dengan husband as usual malam ni.. so.. text will do lah kan. Deep down I know, but I just want to ignore for a while.. I'm afraid to put my expectation too high already. I love u too.

Till then, I should get ready for work now. 

Cry for me

Pagi ni.. bangun awal sikit.. around 4.30am sebab semalam tidur awal sangat. Ready lunch box for the kids, sempat masak laksa kurus untuk diri sendiri. Haha..

My lunchbox today...

I bukan peminat laksa actually.. tapi i commit nak follow meal plan, so there u go. Tak habis pun makan.. asalkan kenyang je.

Harini nak membebel tentang hukum ganggu rumah tangga orang. Perempuan ni ada banyak jenis.. Ada je yang sebolehnya elak keluar dengan suami orang, ada yang nampak luaran je macam baik tapi takde segan silu keluar dengan suami orang.. ada jugak yang nampak macam jenis main redah, i.e nampak luaran macam jahat, tapi takkan sampai hati ganggu rumah tangga orang.

Basically.. kita tak boleh menilai manusia dari luaran sebenarnya. Yang nampak baik tu, tak semestinya hati baik, yang nampak jahat tu, tak semestinya hati busuk. Perempuan yang ada maruah dan harga diri, mostly takkan proceed pun berkawan dengan suami orang. Tak ada istilah kawan ye antara lelaki dan perempuan yang dah berkahwin. Whatever u put into the universe, will come back to u. Ketahuilah, one day, kau buat rumahtangga orang macam ni.. Kau akan rasa jugak apa yang kau buat ni. Kalau bukan kau, anak cucu keturunan kau akan rasa semua benda yang kau buat dekat rumah tangga orang lain. Honestly, bila kau rasa ok je makan2 tengok wayang dengan suami orang lain without the wife knowing, kau memang perempuan yang tak tau batas. Murahan. Hidup ni mudah je... kalau tak mampu nak menyenangkan orang, jangan menyusahkan orang.

Ketahuilah hukum mengganggu rumah tangga orang adalah HARAM.

Kesan dia banyak ya.. bukan sekadar tu je. Yang tahu, tahulah. Hati isteri ni, kalau dah mati rasa, susah. Bila dia tahu dekat hati suami tu ada si sundal sial ni. Mostly akan undur diri. Unless suami ni cepat tersedar yang dia dah buat kesilapan bila dah tesedar dari mimpi sementara tu. Cubalah sekuat daya pun nak dapat semula hati isteri yang dah luka tu.. kesannya tetap ada. Maafkan mungkin, melupakan mungkin tak. Eventhough the husband already cut off all the ties and communication.

Trust issue tu ada. If the event happen bila pasangan suami isteri ni tak ada masalah pun, mungkin suami hanya rasa nak isi kekosongan yang ada. The aftermath tu.. bukan hanya atas isteri sahaja, tetapi kesan dekat suami pun ada. Lagi-lagi bila isteri dah diam dan tak meratap menangis, mengamuk semua, suami sikit sebanyak rasa je yang wife dia tak takde trust pun dekat dia. And dia akan question whether wife dia masih sayangkan dia seikhlas hati lagi ke tak macam dulu. Wife pulak selalunya akan rasa worthless.. question balik aku tak pandai jaga suami that's why jadi macam ni. Tapi perempuan kuat, dia selalunya akan diam je dan do things that make her happy. Invest in herself more after the event happen in their marriage.

Semua dah dewasa, dah faham. I personally, alhamdulillah tak pernah proceed nak kenal dengan suami orang lain masa belum kahwin dulu. Suami orang ni, memang tak dinafikan agak directlah in terms of approach dia tu. Tak tau lah memang ada je so called 'anak dara' yang boleh terima approach direct macam tu. Tapi ramaiiii je lagi perempuan baik kat luar sana bolayan je ajakan lelaki yang dah ada family ni ; i.e yang dah berkahwin. I syak so called anak dara tu memang sejenis desperate dats y rembat jelah apa yang ada 😏😏

Takpe, I mampu kesian je hahahha..

Wife ni sometimes bukan sengaja nak bersikap kurang ajar ke ape..tapi ketahuilah isteri yang disayangi oleh suami akan menjadi isteri yang mentaati. Perempuan ni cara dia defend diri dia macam tu lah sampai kadang kala tersalah tafsir dikatakan kurang ajar. I dah malas nak membebel pasal ni. Sebabnya.. benda ni.. semua orang tau je. Cuma dia jadi jugak kat orang lain2.. Nak cakap fitrah pun tak.. mostly sebab gagal kawal hawa nafsu. Gagal hadap ujian bila ada pihak ketiga cuba menyondol.

My day harini not bad lah.. alhamdulillah atas rezeki hari ni..

I manage to settle all outstanding task today.. CFO I on leave so cam hip hip hooray lah kat ofis dia takde haha..

Jambu air colleage I bagi.. buat snacking pagi

Bouquet duit n loket gift from my FSD

Girls out there.. value your worth. Invest in yourself.. Hidup jangan menyusahkan orang.. Cuba gembirakan orang sekeliling. Jangan ambil hak orang. Keep moving forward!! 💝 Hidup ini terlalu singkat untuk terus meratap. Doakan I shed more and more weight this week ya.. Doakan yang baik2 untuk diri sendiri.. stay positive! Yang penting... jom ber'oil'ing dulu 😉

I miss you

Lama tak update. My uncle passed away last week... 08.03.2021.. almost 09.03.2021 sebab dah dekat midnight.

Alfatihah to him..

Rush back to the north. Before that pick my daughter from school around 10am.. Journey took around 4 hours, we manage to arrive sebelum kebumi. I drove all the way there, since my husband is not around. Letih sangat. Planned to follow meal plan closely last week, tapi Allah knows better. Bila balik kampung, of course diet I ke laut lah. Sebab masakan my mom is something that I cannot resist. Good food, good companies. Lama sangat tak balik kampung sebab pkp. So this time kita balik to gather with the rest of the family.

My desert mist diffuser has arrived...

In love

I letak dalam bedroom, diffuse at night, sometimes in the morning, after my workout. Rasa tenang je.. As usual weekends I akan pergi cycling. Semua barang I sampai office when I'm not around that 2 days. Malu jugak macam asyik shopping je keje I hahaha.. CCTV, helmet basikal, lampu basikal, loceng basikal emgeee..

My baby

Serene

I balik rumah around 10am.. Pre work out I had my F1 shake. But I think I rindu my Choc Dutch shake lah. Next time I nak order choc one.. I cooked nasi lemak for the kids. They said sedap ya. 😋 Alhamdulillah, I manage to control myself from eating full plate of nasi lemak.

I had parpu telur healthy as per MP. Taste quite good, despite it is consider as healthy food.

Parpu telur healthy

Then around 4ish pm.. snaking time I had banana with peanut butter.  Also had ningxia sachet that I got from YL. Basically it has high antioxidant which is good untuk awet muda.

💋

Petang ni I ada class with Sunway. Concurrently I update blog jugak sebab ni je masa I ada to update today haha.. 

I selalunya text my husband on random things macam ni.. Jawapan dia pun selalunya 😎😵

I syak kalau husband I kerja dekat ni.. confirm I lagi kurus lah hahahah...lol  joking!

I miss him.. tapi tulah, kena cari benda lain to divert my mind from thinking too much on that. Story of PJJ couple. Macam ni lah. Really hope I akan kuat paddling this boat alone, sometimes. Huhu..

Love always 💝

Doa itu harapan

First day of going to school in the year 2021 for my 2 children. 

I woke up at 4.30am today. Maybe sebab I nervous lah that's why almost every hour I akan terjaga.. Setahun lebih online classes.. they both excited to go to school. I prep kan my daughter's bekal etc, woke her up at 5.15am, prep her breakfast and 6.00am transporter datang pick her up. Must be a really tiring day for her today. Kesian anak I. Huhu..

My first born, honestly me as a mom, I nampak dia tak pernah langsung menyusahkan I. She did her homework herself, even when we arrange for tuition, teacher datang rumah ajar Bahasa Cina summore at night.. She's giving her all. Tak pernah teacher complaint. Her brother pulak, jenis manja. Anak bongsu at the moment, he's 6 years old now. Always asking his sister to accompany him during his online class. The sister teman je.. never complant. I once heard her conversation with his dad. My husband asking her what she wants, he'll get it for her. Ask him anything that she wants.. Sebab she never minta anything from us. Then I heard she says that she don't know what she wants coz she has everything already 😭 Then she says, if my husband insist on buying her something, just buy her a mandarin dictionary. She's 8 years old now.. Then she says if he happen to see Godiva Pearl chocolate at the airport, just buy her that. She says that after my husband insist that she must have a thing that she really wants. I macam nak nangis bila tengok how responsible she is. 

I doakan both my child dipermudahkan urusan, dilapangkan dada menerima ilmu, dilindungi dari bahaya dan kejahatan, diluaskan rezeki, jadi anak yang tak meninggalkan sembahyang.. anak yang soleh dan solehah. Amin YRA.

Today I wfh lah since my office close one day due to sanitizing process at our floor. Swab result negative, alhamdullillah. Almost all finance department got negative result so yey. 

I breakfast my usual F1 shake, almost finish dah the dutch chocolate. Tak sabar nak start consume yang cookies and cream pulak after this. 

Roti boyan using japanese sweet potato

Honestly, sedap. And kenyang sangat. I macam ni lah.. Bila husband ada, I susah sikit nak diet sebab I know he enjoys food so much.. then we will always eat outside ke.. or when at home I mestila kena masak his favourite food kan. Kalau I, memang I boleh je makan makanan heathy macam ni sebab honestly I tak pernah teringin pun kuah masak lemak etc. Husband I, on the other hand, automatic bila dia ada kat sini, I nak stuff dia dengan all his favourite. Unless he request nak eat healthy, ok je la I buatkan.

2021, I want to fly high. Like really high.

I nak belajar berenang, nak belajar naik kuda before year end. In terms of my career, I need to finish my study lah. I tak risau sangat sebab I rasa I dah on track sekarang since I pun memang tengah belajar. It's not that I don't know how to swim, tapi I imagine diri I nak berenang macam atlet tu haha.. If not pun at least berenang macam Sazzy Falak. Really fit at her age, macam she never aged at all. Naik kuda pulak, I terfikir nak buat something yang out of my routine. Then, I nak lose weight. I think I'm on track at the moment, insyaallah sebab ada proper coaching at it works for me. Cuma I need to register myself for class la on the swimming and horse ride part 😅 belum start lagi. Basikal tetap basikal ya.. every weekend wajib pergi.

I nak share waktu mustajab berdoa yang works for me selain lepas sembahyang :

• antara azan dan iqamat
• ketika iqamat
• hari Jumaat, malam Jumaat
• waktu sahur, sebelum fajar
• waktu turun hujan

Sebenarnya, if I baca waktu terbaik untuk berdoa tu... almost setiap kali is waktu terbaik. Kuncinya doa je. Doa je apa yang kita nak, even Allah dah tahu pun sebenarnya apa kita nak. Tapi bila berdoa tu, menunjukkan kita ni sebenarnya hanyalah hamba yang lemah, yang berharap, yang berserah. Allah akan kabulkan semua yang kita nak. Cuma kita perlu berdoa. InsyaAllah...

Okaylah I nak beli groceries, then pick up my childrent from sekolah agama later. 

💖

 

Just because

First day dapat meal plan. So.. the menu today is nasi ayam hainan.

I'm using brown rice for this meal and yang lain macam biasa.

My lunch today

This morning I naik scale, alhamdulillah nombor sa dekat belakang tu dah kurang 1. I'm happy, indeed. Breakfast I had my F1 chocholate shake, mixed with low fat milk, chia seeds and madu kelulut. Rasa sedap. Nasi ayam ni pun sedap je actually. Bila joined coaching baru faham macam mana nak enjoy makan, dapat semua nutrients, and at the same time boleh lose weight.

So tinggal menu petang je untuk snacking and malam I kena consume F1, no dinner ya sepanjang follow coaching March. I think I'm getting used to it. Bukanla nak cakap diet, it is more to changing my lifestyle. At least I'm more aware of my food intake, in terms of portion, nutrients etc.

I have to do swab later today at 2pm. Still tak siap lagi maigod. I better get going now. Balik nanti I nak sauna jap and kemas rumah. Vacuum etc. Just to be productive since from morning dah hujan, I tak dapat g cycling harini.. Too bad. Huhu..

Till then. Xoxo.

Jodoh, ajal, maut aturan Allah

Jumaat harini.

Ramai yang diuji. Mungkin kalau i yang di tempat diorang, I pun takkan sekuat mana untuk hadapi ujian2 tu. Ujian orang lain membuatkan I insaf sangat. Apelah sangat ujian I orang calarkan kereta tu. Huhuhu.. 

Colleague I, her father in law lama dah diagnosed with covid19. Tapi the after effect tu, membuatkan organ dia dah rosak and end up kena bergantung dekat mesin bantuan hayat. Almost 2 weeks the family harapkan miracle. Everyday doctor akan call, even semalam doctor suggest untuk tutup mesin bantuan hayat tu since tahap oksigen da tinggal 11% je.. So this morning, di hari Jumaat yang mulia ni, akhirnya father in law kawan I pulang ke dunia yang kekal abadi.

Around 9.30am, my mom bagitahu menantu ustaz dekat area rumah my mom passed away sebab covid. Kerja O&G juga di negeri sama dengan my husband. Satu lagi berita kehilangan, buat I rasa sayu mengenangkan wife yang ditinggal dengan anak2 yang masih perlukan kasih sayang bapa diorang. 😭

Satu lagi berita sedih hari ni.. ex schoolmate I masa dekat MRSM passed away today. Eventhough I takde kenal rapat dengan dia, but he's bubbly kind of person, selalu ceria je and paling active dalam group sekolah. He's a good guy. Tinggalkan balu dan sorang anak lelaki. PJJ couple macam I... I tak dapat bayangkan perasaan wife dia. The husband goes camping with a group of friends, end up 2 out of 5 of them lemas. I tak sanggup langsung nak bayangkan. I tak kuat langsung untuk diuji macam tu 😭😭 I really harap the wife and the son dikurniakan ketabahan untuk hadapi ujian ni. 

Tak tahu kenapa rasa sayu je hari ni. Sekarang pun hujan kat luar tu.. while I'm typing this. Hidup ni terlalu singkat untuk dipersiakan. Kalau kita sayang someone, i.e husband, parents, anak.. bagitau lah orang tu yang kita sayangkan dia. Jangan tunggu sampai dia takde baru menyesal sebab mungkin masa tu dah terlambat. I janji dengan diri I, takkan stress kan husband I, ikhlaskan hati I untuk maafkan semua benda yang dah lepas.. and sayangkan family I, hargai parents I while they are still around. I sedar, one day, semua takkan jadi sama. 10-20 tahun lagi.. I pun tak tahu whether nenek I masih ada, parents I masih ada ke.. Atau I cuma akan terus memendam rindu yang tak berpenghujung. Kalau bukan I yang pergi dulu. I do pray that one day, semua yang I sayang akan jumpa lagi di syurga nanti.

Cakap pasal jodoh, aunty I akan bertunang esok. Akhirnya aunty I akan capai bahagia dia dengan pasangan. I doakan jodoh diorang kekal sampai syurga. Allah dah aturkan perjalanan hidup kita terlalu cantik. Allah maha mengetahui setiap kejadian. Syukur atas kurniaan, sabar atas ujian. 

Kat ofis tadi, almost 4-5 kali jugak my husband buat video call. Everytime dia buat, masa tu lah ada yang menempel dekat meja I minta itu ini hahah.. I know mesti dia bosan la tu. Sebab lama dah I bagi password netflix I dekat husband I.. Baru harini I dapat notification dia sign in. Alahai..

I know, kitorang PJJ lama sangat dah. Sometimes I sedih jugak tak dapat jaga makan minum dia, pakai dia.. happy kan dia. Especially bila rumah tangga kitorang diuji, sepatutnya I realise I pun contribute jugak sebab I pun layan nak tak nak je bila dia balik sini. Memang lah anak perlu attention, tapi I baru realise yang husband pun is another baby yang nak attention kita jugak. Husband I dah complain makanan hotel tak sedap, dah jemu etc. I order la food panda for him bila dia dah snap gambar tak usik nasi, makan ayam je pulak then leave the sayur untouched.

I pulak sesedap je sini makan mee hailam la, kueytiaw ladna la with the kids. Kesian dia. Bila i snap pic, dia cakap sedapnya n sedih lak. Adoi.. sumpah rasa bersalah.

Husband : I nak order foodpanda la. Makanan tak sedap. I nak order subway

Me          : Eh jangan order. I dah order

Husband : U order apa?

Me          : Subway

Husband : Seriusla. Mana u tau i nak makan subway

Me          : I know.

Call it telepathy, tapi banyak kali jugak macam ni. Tahla, I just nak dia happy, Tu je.. Selagi I masih ada pasangan hidup, I patut belajar lebih menghargai pemberian Allah dekat I ni.

Made my day.

Benda pertama masuk perut I this morning is..

Cucumber + celery + tomato + carrot + lemon + chia seeds

Snacking

Lunch

Dinner yesterday.. Failed haha! Had homecooked nasi ayam hm.

Breakfast I had my usual shake. Suppose dinner pun kena amek shake jugak but I lapar haha.. Meal plan dah dapat. I janji I akan folo MP rapat2 okay after this! Wish me luck hahahaa.. Husband I cakap if I berjaya turun ke berat yang dia target tu, I get to ask anything that I want from him. Gosh please la harap I boleh drop weight rapidly this month... Amin..

Hello March

Bulan ni I dah start busy. 

Online classes, the kids started physical class.. we could probably start to work from office 5 days a week as usual.. and so on.

So yeah, hello march!

Started today, I nak eat clean, eat superfoods, exercise more, invest on myself more. So I nak jot down what I did/ eat today and everyday after this, insyaallah.

Harini I demotivated. Dunno why... Sebab I abc lagi, bangun lambatla kol 7.30am. So spoil da mood I nak g cycling. Plus I rasa ada benda tak setel sebab banyakkk sangat kerja ofis yang perlukan my respond. So, sebab banyak benda berlegar dalam otak I, end up I ruin harini macam tu je being worried sick over things yang I sebenarnya boleh control.

Didn't take breakfast... Lunch I Foodpanda je ayam penyet but I didn't eat semua nasi tu.. Just less than half, then I habiskan ayam. Petang almost 7pm I makan japanese sweet potato 2 ketul. Tak minum air banyak harini coz I'm so not in the mood to do anything.

Malam my kids request pizza. So I beli pizza personal 2 set plus carbonara. I insist them to finish everything.. I ada rasa2 carbonara sikit. I hope tomorrow I'll do better in terms of taking care of myself.

Since uni days, I suka pergi pulau dengan my coursemates tau. I tak tau kenapa I rasa tenang je bila dekat pulau. Kitorang pernah je g Tioman, Redang.. amek pakej student RM300/pax masa tu all in makan bbq semua. Then ada pergi Marine park which banyak ikan2 besar cantik2.. Ah rindulah.

Then dah kahwin I drag my family along to share my interest of going island holiday. So far, the liked it. One day I harap I dapat ikut padi course buat lesen diving insyaallah.

Diamond of the first water 😍

Nite all. Xoxo.