Today is 27 Jan 2021, 105 days after the day that make my world turned upside down.. when I know the truth of something that was hidden from me for so long. Mungkin tarikh yang akan i ingat seumur hidup i.. 15 Oct 2020.
105 days of pulling myself up again, build my confidence again, saying to myself over and over again that 'I'm worth it'.. even when my self esteem was at level zero. Until now I masih survive.. embracing life.
Whatever happen do change me.
Little that people know that I cried out loud in my heart even masa I had my brisk walking morning weekend.. alone and no one there pun. It feels like I wanna let go but I just can't.
75 days left till the day that we both will decide whether to stay or move on.
105 days passed but right now the feeling still like day 0.
I taknak pun semua ni jadi. Me neither don't like the version of myself after knowing the truth.
The magic word today is .. 'jadual offshore'. And the reply word is 'curang schedule - calendar si penipu untuk isteri dia yang rasa mulia'
Entahla.
Mungkin betullah.. salah I minta schedule. Maybe I dah cross territory. But honestly I tak pernah rasa diri I mulia. Initially I minta sebab I nak plan birthday but this is what I get. Its ok. I pun mungkin takkan plan lagi dah after the expiry of 75 days. Allah je yang jaga hati manusia. I terlalu penat when people always misinterpret.
I tak tahu la ni purposely or what but hati I ni rasa terlalu berat harini. I really harap Allah selamatkan I.
Totally rasa semua ni macam paksaan je. I feel numb. Which bukan nature I nak force people pun. I totally feel nak mengalah sangat.
Tolonglah ya Allah..........................................
Tunjukkan jalan dekat hambaMu yang terlalu hina ini. Amin... YRA.
Signed out 1.53pm, Surau CH
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