Melukis senja

 Aku mengerti

Perjalanan hidup yang kini kau lalui

Ku berharap

Meski berat kau tak merasa sendiri

Kau telah berjuang

Menaklukkan hari hari mu yang tak mudah

Biarku menemanimu

Membasuh lelahmu

Izinkan kulukis senja

Mengukir namamu di sana

Mendengar kamu bercerita

Menangis tertawa

Biar kulukis malam

Bawa kamu bintang bintang

Tuk temanimu yang terluka

Hingga kau bahagia

Aku disini

Walau letih cuba lagi jangan berhenti

Ku berharap

Meski berat kau tak merasa sendiri

Kau telah berjuang

Menaklukkan hari harimu yang tak indah

Biarku menemanimu membasuh lelahmu...

One of the song yang I dengar tadi after habis jog.. mellow kan! haha.. Ok today is public holiday.. selamat menyambut hari Thaipusam. Takde beza sangat since now is still MCO until 4th February 2021. 

I got a text.. tapi i tak tau nak reply apa so i just leave it. 😄 Today should be a positive day for me.. No more fighting, no more tears, just a quiet morning with myself.. pagi2 i bangun subuh then i minum detox juice.. (celery + tomato + lemon a bit) taste so yum! 

I did 3 rounds walking + jogging pusing taman. Initially i nak pergi Putrajaya but then ade roadblock. Takde jauh no more than 10km from my house.. tapi the officer insist i break MCO law sebab rentas daerah coz lain poskod. So I malas nak cakap banyak I just uturn. 

I did dengar diorang membebel sesama sendiri.. ni kan MCO kenapa degil nak pergi taman? Tak faham faham ke? 

I was like.. erkkkk ..! when i thought boleh je kan beriadah within 10km..? *dalam hati jela tapi* somehow ade law tapi yelah application tu lain2 pulak 😲. last week boleh, this week tak boleh.. mungkin i memang tak faham la kot. Benda macam ni.. normally I just drop it instead of nk argue sebab .. if you know you know..

My POV

Your POV

Consequence of diff POV 😂

We look at the same thing but we have different perspective, might be because of different angle, or different way of thinking.. or could be difference lenses or wavelength. It is all depends on you. End of the day, I don't feel like fighting anymore. Tired of explaining when everytime it would be misleading. Silence is gold.

Dear self,

Be strong okay. 💗

75 days till expiry

Today is 27 Jan 2021, 105 days after the day that make my world turned upside down.. when I know the truth of something that was hidden from me for so long. Mungkin tarikh yang akan i ingat seumur hidup i.. 15 Oct 2020.

105 days of pulling myself up again, build my confidence again, saying to myself over and over again that 'I'm worth it'.. even when my self esteem was at level zero. Until now I masih survive.. embracing life.

Whatever happen do change me. 

Little that people know that I cried out loud in my heart even masa I had my brisk walking morning weekend.. alone and no one there pun. It feels like I wanna let go but I just can't. 

75 days left till the day that we both will decide whether to stay or move on. 

105 days passed but right now the feeling still like day 0.

I taknak pun semua ni jadi. Me neither don't like the version of myself after knowing the truth.

The magic word today is .. 'jadual offshore'. And the reply word is 'curang schedule - calendar si penipu untuk isteri dia yang rasa mulia'

Entahla. 

Mungkin betullah.. salah I minta schedule. Maybe I dah cross territory. But honestly I tak pernah rasa diri I mulia. Initially I minta sebab I nak plan birthday but this is what I get. Its ok. I pun mungkin takkan plan lagi dah after the expiry of 75 days. Allah je yang jaga hati manusia. I terlalu penat when people always misinterpret.

I tak tahu la ni purposely or what but hati I ni rasa terlalu berat harini. I really harap Allah selamatkan I.

Totally rasa semua ni macam paksaan je. I feel numb. Which bukan nature I nak force people pun. I totally feel nak mengalah sangat. 

Tolonglah ya Allah..........................................

Tunjukkan jalan dekat hambaMu yang terlalu hina ini. Amin... YRA.

Signed out 1.53pm, Surau CH

After So Long

 Salam and morning..

I remember having this personal space, where I really think that this is all mine, no one else outside know this blogspot belongs to whom.. except those IT experts of coz 😅😅😅 provided they want to find who am I lah kan.. but I don't think so since my posts cuma common posts revolve around my life. 

A lot had happened, ada positive, ada negatife.. itulah kehidupan. Long story short, I still have an intact family, a husband with two kids (a girl and a boy) which I always pray that Allah will always showered us with his rahmat and blessings. My career still going on.. with covid 19, Alhamdulillah right at this point, both of us have not been affected, but we always have to be ready should there be any unprecedented situation in the future. My parents Alhamdulillah is healthy, happy and still loving each other everyday.

It's raining outside, I really miss writing. Im too lazy to go outside buying diary book or whatever that I used to do prior years, so here am I.

Im a firm believer that whatever you think or write, somehow akan jadi kenyataan, if not now, mungkin in the future. I have experienced it, so yes memang I percaya. That's why, everyday we have to think positive. For our body, for our mind. And this space will be my affirmation of what I will achieve in the future.

If you were put in a situation which you dont want, i.e its feels like an ujian for you. Sebenarnya Allah nak bagi apa yang you minta. If you tak berada dalam situasi tu, you wont change and you wont get what youve been praying for. Always bersyukur atas segala nikmat dan ujian yang Allah beri. Insyaallah..

2020 is tahun yang sangat menguji I, it reflects back how I see life. Allah uji I dengan benda yang I sayang, which I dont think pun it will happen to me. But it does. All these while, hidup I linear je. Takde ujian yang besar sangat. Mungkin Allah tahu I memang tak mampu nak hadapi ujian yang terlalu besar. Iman pun cuma sangat nipis, mungkin tak sampai pun nipis kulit bawang tu. Hmm.. 

At one point, I down, nangis and everything. I hate myself and I want to ... astaghfirullahalazim. Tapi rupanya I kuat. Ada hikmat sangat semua yang jadi which I nampak sekarang. My relationship with Allah getting better. I know he listens, he understands.. benda yang you nak cakap tapi tak dapat nak sampaikan apa ada dalam hati you. With Allah, even you tak explain, dia tahu. You mengongoi, menangis, dia tahu sebab dia.. So you tak perlu nak explain macam you explain to manusia. Which sometimes they will wrongly interpret what youre explaining.

So, terima kasih 2020. Tahun menguji but at the same time menguatkan diri i. I am loving myself even more in 2021. Alhamdulillah..

Bye wisdom tooth

Hi,

Just came back from the clinic.. since I got plenty of time right now, hence this blogpost.

Dah lama actually nak cabut. Especially bila time sakit datang menggila sampai ke urat kepala. Even before I sat for my ACCA exam around June. Aku takdelah takut nak jumpa dentist sbb dengan Dr Chong ni dari kecik memang dah biasa jumpa dia. Even aku dah tak duduk Puchong pun sampai sekarang apa-apa berkaitan gigi aku akan cari dia. Cuma time tu takde untuk pergi cabut gigi. Busy dengan workload, dengan study, dengan anak-anak, weekend ikut mertua g kenduri.. Kalau husband balik, kitorang akan g short getaway. So bila masanya aku nak fikir pasal gigi ni..

Sampaila a week before exam, sakitnya ya ampun. Memang kacau mood aku nak study lah. Dahla masa limited, sakit gigi lak. Rasa macam nak mengamuk. So aku nekad, after exam, aku akan cabut jugak gigi ni by hook or by crook.

Here I am now, being prep for my turn for the minor operation. Aku baca blog ye, pasal pengalaman orang lain. Wow, exaggerate sangat aku rasa sampai aku takut kot.. Duh.. Tambahan pulak menantu TPM passed away masa kena bius dekat dental clinic yang dia pergi. Sapa tak cuak wei..

Dr Chong ni jenis tak banyak cakap, Dah tahu style dia. Aku pun malas nak tanya banyak2. Yang aku tau aku memang kena cabut jugak gigi ni hari ni. So, dia buat xtray, sah lah aku tak boleh cabut biasa. Kena go through minor operation jugak. Ok xpe, bring it on!

Aku dapat 3 jabs untuk bius, which aku tak rasa sakit pun. Then ak dah tak rasa pipi and lidah aku mcm stroke sebelah haha.. Aku memang tak pernah takut cabut gigi tapi kebelakangan ni banyak cerita tak best pasal cabut gigi, dalam hati ada sedikit gusar hehe..

Dia brief lah akan potong tulang sikit (horror ok!) kena potong gigi sikit ok ape2 jelah. I just want to get it done. Nervous aku lama kelamaan hilang as the procedure start. Macam biasa memang boleh dengar apa dia buat semua cuma tak sakit lah tu je..

Agak susah a bit dia nak cabut gigi aku. Few attempt jugak aku tengok dia buat. Finally keluar.. Dr pun examine gigi tu, ahlamdulillah akar keluar semua, So dia jahit and everything.. settle. Happy nya aku!!! Bye gigi bongsuku. !!

So untuk sebatang gigi kat klinik ni actually is RM700 tapi sebab aku dah biasa so diskaun lah RM100.. Total kena bayar RM600. Takpelah claim company hihik.. Sini takde mesin swipe2 yer, semua cash.

Alhamdulillah, pengalaman aku takde yang horror ke ape. Ok2 je macam cabut gigi biasa. Yang masih teragak2 nak cabut tu, just go for it ok! Jangan sampai melarat sangat-sangat baru g. Kalau wisdom tooth tu tumbuh ok, baguslah tak payah cabut. Kes cam aku ni, sukati dia je tumbuh melintang so nak buat macam mana. Nama pun bongsu, perangai sukati macam anak bongsu jugak... Tetonggeng2 dia tumbuh hadoi..

Ok lah bye!

Of my Raya 2016 shopping

Salam Ramadhan,

Halfway through puasa, I manage to settle my Raya shopping spree already. Now is the time to stay focus on ibadat and dieting. This year, I decided not to go Jalan tar for raya shopping (hopefully) but dump all the money to boutiques in Bangi instead.

My raya outfit this year is from Leeyanarahman. Been a fan to her work since last year. Not really a fan (coz I only have like 3 pieces of her clothing line), but I know her baju is so comfortable, at least for me. I tag along my two sisters, shopping for the family as well. This year we decide to don peach colour as the raya theme. Manage to grab a very cute baju melayu for my son aged 1 year 1 month old for RM99. As for my daughter, already bought her baju at Vendeur festival day before. See? Either I do all the shopping this week or never do anything at all. I think I'm quite a rule-based person la kot because when I do something, surely it being set earlier and potray-ed everything at the back of my head how I will do it or how it will look like at the end of the day. Momsies are like that, I think. **okey whatever**

Our catch in Bangi

The crowd is bearable, maybe because is is not pay day yet. With two small kids to be dragged along with us, we really have to be strategic hence the earlier the better, the least people even more better. As for this coming weekend, maybe I would do some baking and cleaning instead of going out for shopping. I expect this week will be worst since the $$$ is coming. At 6.00pm with a complementary of trembling legs after few hours hunting for bajus, we settle for buka puasa at Mi Tarik restaurant nearby. The food is so-so lah for my liking. And a lot of seasoning used. I don't think I will ever return to this place. We don't even finished eventhough everyone was quite hungry that time.

Week before that, I purchase my favourite perfume from MYSALE. I have been stalking this site for a very long time but somehow I don't know why I never bought anything from them. Until one day my sister bought 3 perfumes from their site and it ARRIVES PERFECTLY ON TIME. So, I decided to give it a try. My first ever perfume was from Guess haha.. Then only I try Bvlgari and never changed since then. *lies* (I also like dior range and gucci floral as well, lol) My husband always stick to his Moschino and Bvlgari Aqva (or Aqua as I said?) and he smells nyumssyy! Jasmin Noir is a gift from me to my sister back then when I hunt for my hantaran. She teman me shopping, therefore I have to buy something for her lah as a symbol of appreciation. That time I bought Bvlgari Aqva for my husband. The last Bvlgari range I been used is the Bvlgari Paraiba in turquoise colour bottle. So today, this baby arrives and complete my raya shopping for 2016. 

To conclude Mysale, it is way cheaper than retail, even cheaper than my usual sites, Bestbuyworld (but I still love this BBW site the most for it service) Only that youu have to wait until the sale ended, then they will process your delivery. Fret not, still within the delivery period that they have estimated. No trembling legs whatsoever, u can be in your pyjamas and shop! That's why I love online shopping. Believe it or not, I bought diapers and milk for my child also via online! Tesco and Lazada of course.. :)

Boba Tweet 4G

Hello beautiful!

I got my Boba Tweet 4G a day before I had to fly urgently to somewhere and tag along my baby. Even though I already had my boba wrap, I don't know why I'm getting nervous because I know I don't have that much time to tie the wrap to my body. (besides hygienic reason as part of the wrap will lay on the floor coz it's sooo long ;p)

So.. there goes my RM500 for this thing. Okey la since it made my life easier. I seldom want to carry my baby because I prefer them to sit on their stroller. Hehe.. But then, I use this thing when I really really really have to carry my baby if he gets cranky. It serve me well until now.

Right now I got 3 baby carriers and 3 strollers at home. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Hahahaha... For newborn, I really recommend boba wrap la.. But for much older toddler, this kind of carrier will do justice on your body. I never use the free baby carrier when I purchase my medela swing maxi. I only use my boba wrap until my baby turns 3 month or 4 months old and now I stick with boba 4G. Thats the on story how I ended with 3 baby carriers.

Now, where do I put all those things????????!!!

Wishlist 2016

I want nothing but this..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Sure gonna get you this year!
Save money harder!
#prayformacbook